I Carry Her Heart...

Since this past New Year's Eve life hasn't quite been the same. The little life that I had been carrying inside of me finally decided to make her debut. She came into this world in a dimly lit, roomy yet cozy hospital room. My sweet husband was there, laying her on my chest, with our nurse midwife and two other nurses. It was quiet and peaceful and couldn't have been a more perfect moment. She layed on my chest for the next hour and a half as we marveled at her mere existence. No one measured her or poked her; they just let her be as we enjoyed our new little family. Since that moment I have marveled at the love I feel for this little girl. I am grateful every day that I could not only carry her, but that I am the one who gets to be her Mama. She fills my heart, my life with an indescribable joy. I had absolutely no idea that this was what motherhood would be like. It's as if I was blind before and am only now able to see. I have heard so many women speak about this feeling and never truly understood til now. This is truly a gift.

Life as I know it is now viewed through a completely different lens. A quite beautiful lens, if I do say so. My prayers for her are constant. She is my motivation to be healthy and strong so that I can be there for her. She is a huge reason that I continue to strive to become a more godly woman, wife, and mother. She will be watching, absorbing, and learning. I want God to mold me to be the very best I can be for my sweet girl. She is a breath of fresh air even when I've had little sleep and a long day at work with laundry and dishes appearing by the pile. She is always with me. Her existence brings new meaning to these beautiful, soulful words that cut to the core of my feelings for my Rhys Isabelle.

“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)” 
― E.E. Cummings